Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
