Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
