New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i think my cat just said my name.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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