Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
