so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
