His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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