Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
