Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
