Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
