I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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