Pappa wants mamma naked
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
