If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
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