one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
