dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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