Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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