UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
