Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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