i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
