Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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