This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
