i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
