she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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