Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
how does that bad decision feel?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
