I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
