The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
