If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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