Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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