took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
