so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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