btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
