i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
