So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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