just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
