it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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