why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
