I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
