do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
