they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
