I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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