Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
