No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
