I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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