i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
