dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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