Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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