He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
