If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
