I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize