You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
