eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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