false alarm. still invincible.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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