So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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