Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We need to rekindle our bromance
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
