You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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