My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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