i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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