I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
