I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
