she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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