My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
