How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
