I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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