you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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