Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
